The Teacher's Lounge: If all Summer Slams had Twitter

As almost every single pair of eyes who reads this knows, I, The Teacher, have been pretty addicted to Twitter since the birth of #2Contenders.  One thing I’ve been fascinated with is how the social media age allows everyone to share their feeling right as things happen.  This gives us a primal sense of how people are feeling, since from the looks of it, most people don’t spend a whole lot of time thinking about their tweets before sending them into the Inter-ether.

Which got me thinking. . . With Summer Slam around the corner, what would the history of this huge WWE event look like if Twitter had existed since its inception. . . Quite the thought experiment. . . I humbly submit some of what I believe we’d have seen in the last 20 years.

8/29/88

MegaPowersRule:  Can’t believe we’re getting a 4th #WWF PPV!  Can’t wait to see MegaPowers SLAM MegaBucks!  #Hulkamania  #OhYeah

MillionDollarBaby:  @MegaPowersRule - No way! Everybody has a price, and Dibiase and Andre can’t be stopped!  #MoneyMoneyMoney

WrestlingIsReal87:  WTF?  Time limit draw?  How boring for a PPV opener!  Bulldogs should have won!

RudeAwakeningz:  Putting somebody else’s wife on your tights is so cool; Rude is the man!

WarriorsWoman: OMG Warrior just won the IC title in 30 seconds!! He’s so amazing!!! I luv him so much!!!!

AxAndSmashYaaa:  Here comes the Ax! There go the Harts! Demolition 4 the win!

OnlySmartFanIn88: Doesn’t everyone know Virgil is Dusty Rhodes’ real name?

WrestlingIsReal87: @OnlySmartFanIn88 - Shut up, fool.  Dusty’s name is Dusty, and he’s amazing.  Stop spreading lies!

MegaPowersRule:  Here we go!  I am a real American!  I said my prayers, let’s do this!!!

PsychicGuyMcGee:  Ventura is calling this match so well, he should be a politician someday.

The Entire Twitterverse:  OMG did you just see Elizabeth’s undies!!!  SO HOTTT CAN’T HANDLE ITTT

MegaPowersRule:  Never doubt the MegaPowers, including the leggy Liz  #OHYEAHDIGIT

8/29/92

WWFNumber1UKFan:  #SummerSlam from #London? Can life get any better?

DCWrestlingFan:  @WWFNumber1UKFan - Shut up, you stupid Brit.

BiggestHartOnForBret:  So sad 2 c Hart family torn like this.  They may never b the same.

OnlySmartFanIn88: Hope Bulldog’s staph infection doesn’t get in the way here.

OhhhhWhatARush:  I guess Money can’t buy a victory!  #LODWins!

The Entire Twitterverse:  Nailz and Virgil made it onto a #WWF PPV?  Seriously?

MrsMartel92:  OMG did you see The Model’s butt?  Sooo hotttt.

MrsMichaels1992:  @MrsMartel92 - Ewww, no way, HBK’s tush was SO much cuter!

(Editors note:  This continued for hours and got very hostile.)

PsychicGuyMcgee: This tag title match may be bad, but at least we’re seeing the titles defended at #SummerSlam.  Looking at you, 2014!

MachoMadness17:  Flair, you dirty bastard, Randy’s going to kick your ass.  Perfect, you too!

SmartMarkLevesque:  Why is Kamala getting a World title shot?  What’s he ever done?  Why is his handler named after Korean cabbage?

WWFNumber1UKFan:  OMG Bulldog won!  Bulldog won!  This is Britain’s greatest moment!

BiggestHartOnForBret:  My guy just showed total class and honor.  #AlwaysMyChampion!

PsychicGuyMcGee:  @BiggestHartOnForBret - Yeah, Bret’s a #WWF guy for life. . .  #Sarcasm

8/18/96

SummerSlamSam: It’s the biggest party of the summer.  Mankind’s tough, but with Paul Bearer at his side, how can #Undertaker fail?

NotYetTheTeacher:  Love the bikini blast beach party, but why are all these guys getting in the way of Sunny and Sable?

OnlyGuyWatchingFreeForAll: OMG did u see Yoko break the ropes?  #Fatty

The Entire Twitterverse:  You know, this #SummerSlam kinda sucks.

ForAllMankind96:  Alright, Boiler Room Brawl time!   This is going to be EPIC!  #CactusJack

MistressDeadman: @ForAllMankind96 - It is, but your boy is going to get beat down!

WhatTheHellsIsECW:  You know, this match is wicked violent.  Where did this come from?

TheFirstHeymanGuy:  This match don’t got nothing on Sandman and Raven, biatches!

The Entire Twitterverse:  WTF just happened?  Paul Bearer turned on ‘Taker?  What?  BOOOOO!!

(Editors note:  Nobody bothered tweeting about Michaels and Vader after the Brawl)

8/3/97

The Entire Twitterverse:  OMG Owen Hart breaking Austin’s neck in the ring is the worst thing that can ever happen at a live wrestling event.

PsychicGuyMcgee: @Everyone -  Don’t say that. . . Just. . . Don’t say that. . .

8/21/05

The Entire Twitterverse:  OMG Cena sucks, good thing he won’t be main eventing forever.

PsychicGuyMcgee: @Everyone -  Don’t say that. . . Just. . . Don’t say that. . .  #CenaWinsLOL